Sad to say,I really hate my parents,I hope they read this one day. The both of you shouldn’t even have children if you don’t know how to fucking raise them,and my mom should not have 5 children at all,she should have none then she would yearn for motherhood. You are supposed to be role models for me but where the fuck were the both of you when I was young? One is working overseas the other works day and night and never gets to talk to us and after years you think communication is ever going to work out? Sorry to say but I’ve been quite independent for the past few years and I’m just going to continue living like this,a few more weeks and I’m gonna work on the weekend,I don’t want to rely on the both of you anymore. Keep saying that you spend a lot on us,fine! Wait for the day I earn back the money and I will throw it in your faces cos all you ever cared about is money and you pretend like you even care for any of us. Like please,do the two of you know that I’m openly bi-sexual? Accept it cos you’re living in the 21st Century not your fucking 1980s anymore,keep up with time and whats going on around the world! And please,don’t ever judge me cos you are in no place to judge me,I am a much better child than both of you were back in your heydays so just shut the fuck up and reminisce of your idiotic past the both of you!
Well it was Speech Day yesterday and I went back to St Gabs for it and OMG the memories of my performance last year came flooding back to me and I really miss being in an all-boys school. And I went to dance in the front during the finale cos it was the same dance we did last year and I felt so young again. I just love to dance,it makes me feel happy and alive like nothing else but singing is a whole new different world for me.
After the whole thing,I went around asking my teachers and some of my friends to selfie,and please don’t judge! I just love to selfie these days and I assure you,75% of the photos in my phone are selfies while the 25% is all lecture slides and tutorial notes (what is life?).
And I did pretty much the crazy stuff again (as expected,I’ve been doing it for the 4 years of my life there in St Gabs and i’m pretty much used to being crazy)
I went home after Speech day to wash up and go out to study at STARBUCKS and oh lord,I’ve been pouring all my money and heart into Starbucks the past few days like crazy…I spent over $50 on Starbucks this week. Can you believe it?? It’s just crazy but I’m really crazy over Starbucks . And another thing is,I came up with a conclusion not to go to Starbuck with anyone,cause I finished my revision for Economics and successfully transferred most of my Literature notes into my notebook without getting distracted,it was pure bliss when I was alone and really concentrating. I feel so happy that my study session at Starbucks was really productive and I’m gonna do this on every weekend. I really need perfection and my straight As.
And when I came back home I just started taking selfies again cause today is a really good day,I met my Vocals,I met my teachers,I met my friends,I talked to someone who never talked to me in 15 months,it’s just crazy how life has become really pleasant even during the hardest times of my life with my faith on my God that He’s always there for me. I truly am grateful to God :)
I’m just so happy these days but I’m expecting something bad because one cannot be happy all the time,there has to be ups and downs to make a life meaningful,a life with no thrills is nothing but a dead,boring one and that’s not what I want my life to be. Truly,moving on from him is really one of the most painful part of my life but I realised it has turned my attention into my studies with so much vigour that even I cannot believe that I had so much potential. I don’t want to fall for anyone at the current moment,my heart has really faced too much from just two guys and it’s enough to teach me a lesson. Not to love anyone selflessly if they don’t love you the way you love them or don’t appreciate your feelings and mock them or fall for someone who doesn’t know what he wants in his life. And it’s so painful to hear people ask me “What exactly is it that you see in them (him) that made you love them (him)” cause I feel like they’re doubting that I actually had feelings for them and it’s really sensitive. Why I love them is cause they are the most beautiful souls I have ever met,not in appearance,but in heart. I don’t fall for anyone because they are good-looking but it’s something they did that make me like them,but truly I tell you,beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. But now both of them broke my heart so badly that I even gave up trying,I will never have anyone but my God because He’s all I have right now. Gosh,how did such a happy post turn into a sad one?? I’m gonna sleep now,gotta go church in the morning :) I really love going to church these days,it’s a really good break from all the stress and busy life and I just feel at peace and at home in church.
Today is a really good day,hopefully not everyday is a good day or my life would be a bore but yeah it was pretty bearable today with the help of holy water,it’s okay if you don’t get it hehe but yeah I think the only painful part today is PW. My gawd,it is a mental torture! I sat down researching over and over again on my topic (I don’t think it’s wise of me to share what I’m doing for PI on my blog at all,it makes me look stupid,but I assure you it’s really interesting). After that I started sketching at 9pm and after I’m done annotating and scraping off things I don’t need, it was 10.20pm. Like how the fuck did I not notice the time????
Other than that,I’m catching up really fast with econs now like amazeballs! And I really feel like transferring from geography to history but after my discussion with Ms Peh today I realised that I’m giving up way too easily,I didn’t even try and I’m giving up and that is so not me! And this is my final verdict:I am staying in geography! Honestly,I really do not want to lose focus by shifting around too much and I came up with this final decision after praying and asking The Lord for His guidance and I really reflected a lot upon it so yeah I’m sticking with Geog :)
I know I’m not making a bad decision and I’m really determined in getting my straight As,cause that’s what I’m in a JC for. To go to my dream university,I’m not letting ANYTHING get in my way! I really gotta sleep now,I can feel my eyes closing as I’m typing this.
Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. I went to school with the foulest mood ever and by the end of school,I was no longer sad,depressed or angry but I was just so happy and full of life like i always was before when I still liked him. But anyways,I’m not going to dwell too much on what happened with him or what’s going on but I would really like to thank a few people who cheered me up and made me feel happy yesterday.
Not everyone that cheered me up yesterday are in the photos,but thank you guys for listening to me bitch on Monday and cheering me up yesterday cos honestly,this made me feel better and now,when it comes to him,I’m like FUCK IT! He’s seriously not the one for me,I want someone who is able to think of what he wants in his life and make good life decisions and he obviously doesn’t know how to treasure those who truly loves him and how to back away from those who might bring him down,he’s really not worth my time pondering over anymore.
Also,thank you so much 41A,you seriously are the best classes I’ve ever had,everyone is so supportive and yeah you guys are really one of the best people I’ve ever met.
With that,let me take this day as anew dawn in my life and I gotta go cos I haven’t finished my breakfast and tea and I’m already blogging.